How Big Is Your BUT?

"Buts" are funny things that come incognito.  Usually they start out small. They're cute, harmless, logical even. They make perfect sense at first. These "buts" are sneaky and clever though.  When you're not paying attention they begin to grow... and grow... and grow... until ultimately they are enormous obstacles that keep us from being, doing or having the things we want in life.

I want to be healthy and fit, but that pizza tastes so good I'm going to eat another piece even though I'm full. I want to write a book, but I just don't know where to start and who would read it anyway? I want to have a great relationship, but I'm afraid of being hurt. It's easier to just be alone.  I want to go to this college, but I don't know how I'm going to pay for it so I'm not even going to apply.  I want, but.  I want, but.  I want, but... They are the obstacles we throw on our own path and then complain and wonder why? 

Strangely enough they are usually a matter of perception.  Last year at Spring Break my daughter, her dad and I took a trip.  He lives on the East Coast, so when he comes out they usually like to do something fun.  This year we all decided to go a on a road trip.  Here was the plan.  Leave Oak Park, drive to the Hearst Castle, meander up the 101, stay over night in Monteray Bay, check out the Monteray Bay Aquarium, drive to San Francisco for the rest of the trip and see all the main tourist sites.  After leaving the Hearst Castle we noticed a sign that said, 101 closes at 7PM, Big Sur Businesses Open.  OK, not a problem.  We had plenty of time to drive up the coast with these magnificent views and reach Monteray Bay with time to spare.  But... when we got within 4 miles of Monteray Bay the bridge was out.  There was no other way, so we turned around and headed back to see if there was an alternate route.  Got to Big Sur and the nice gas station lady said, "Yes if you go back 40 miles there is a very curvey road that is narrow and goes over the mountain or you can go all the way back to the pass near the Hearst Castle. But it's too late to do either tonight because the road it closing shortly and you'll never make it. If I were you I'd get a room soon.  Most of the hotels are filling up."  This bridge evidently had been out for months.  It was a huge repair in a precarious site.  No where on the original sign did it say anything about this.  Consequently we, (and a lot of others) were trapped.  Now, I found this quite funny.  Kinda like a big joke was played on us.  My daughter did not!  "We're trapped!" "This is the part in the movie just before the people get hacked by a guy in a mask!"  On and on it went. The more she talked the more I laughed.  The rooms were expensive, small, no TV and no outlet in the bathroom. More laughter.  The food was good, but also expensive. More laughter.  They had everyone between a rock and a hard place, gouging at its best! Next morning over the mountain on the "curvey" road we went.  I was driving and loved it.  Alexa couldn't watch because the road was so narrow and hugged the edge of the mountain.  Darren had to lie down in the back seat because he was so car sick. Same trip.  Different perspective.  I have to say it was one of my favorite trips ever... my perspective.  When I told Alexa I was going to write about this the diatribe began again.... her perspective.

Change your perspective and your "but" gets smaller and smaller until it's gone. The smaller your "but" is, the less resistance you will have.  So, time to take my own advice.  Time for running, working out with weights, eating healthier and dropping that extra that drives me crazy, BUT was unwilling to do anything about.  No more obstacles for me.... bathing suit weather is just around the corner.  BRING IT!!

Your "But" Will Lead You Wherever You Want To Go

 

My daughter has a passion.  It has been the same passion since she was a very little girl.  She would spend hours running around from tree to bench to bush.  Jumping, twirling, looking furtively right, then left.  A stranger might wonder what in the world she was doing, but I knew.  She was in her imagination, acting out a story that she had created.  We once lived in a home that had tiny pebbles along the side of the house.  Down the center of the pebbles were round stepping stones.  This path became a swift moving river, the stepping stones boulders to leap from one side to the other.  She would read a book and write herself into the story line.  Harry Potter never knew, but there was one other witch at Hogwarts.  As she has grown that imagination has turned into a dream.  She wants to be an actress.  She doesn't talk about it a lot to others, especially since most look at her 4.0 grade point average and see "doctor, lawyer, merchant, chief."  She simply continues on her path and uses people who have succeeded with their dreams as her "But."  But look at Jim Carrey.  He had a very troubled childhood to the point of homelessness and now he is a successful sought after actor.  But look at Nelson Mandela.  He was imprisoned for 17 years then became President of South Africa.  But look at Oprah Winfrey.  She came from very little and now is one of the most influential women in the world.  Dr. Wayne Dyer recently posted this quote on facebook.   

"Never, and I mean never, allow anyone else’s ideas of who you can or can’t become sully your dream or pollute your imagination. This is your territory, and a KEEP OUT sign is a great thing to erect at all entrances to your imagination." 

Ultimately, her "Buts" find reasons and examples of why she CAN and WILL have her dream. 

Some walk their path and their "Buts" say:
- This is scary. 
- I might fall. 
- What if the glass breaks? 
- I'm afraid. 
- This is dangerous. 
- Why should I take the risk?






Others chose a different perspective:
- The view is amazing.
- It's so clear from here.
- It's safe.
- I'ts a wonderful opportunity.
- I'm so grateful to have this experience.


    Where will your BUT lead you?

Enabling "Buts" Kick Your Butt!

I found myself in a horrible, hurtful, humiliating situation this weekend that was entirely my fault.  It didn't feel good and much like Charlie Brown I found myself on the ground bruised inside where the wounds don't heal as quickly.  Look at the cartoon.  Most say it's Lucy who causes Charlie Brown's injury.  Wrong!  It's Charlie Brown who allows Charlie Brown to get injured.  When I was perusing the web for this well known cartoon I found numerous versions where this exact thing happens to him only at a different time, season, location...

He knows that Lucy will pull the ball away at the last minute because it has happened time and time again.  He knows this, but is "convinced" or does mental gymnastics to give her another chance.  Next thing you know, Wham! Flat on his back.  So where does the enabling "but" come in you ask?  In his/your/my actions. 

Maya Angelou says, "When you know better, you do better."  When you know better and don't do better, it is the "but" that has wiped away all your wisdom and has enabled you and the other to not be the best they can be.  It serves no one.  Lucy is never accountable for her actions and doesn't learn that her bad behavior has consequences.  She gets to maintain her victimizer status.  Charlie Brown never learns that only he can enforce his boundaries, i.e., DON'T KICK THE BALL, and thus allows himself to ever play the victim.

So when you are faced with your football again ...

 

Don't let your "but" kick your butt!

Yes, BUT... really means NO!

I am lucky.  In my work as a Spiritual Intuitive Life Coach, I have the opportunity to learn as I teach and guide.  One thing that I have observed over these many years, through more scenarios than I could possibly imagine, is that people often come for help or assistance in healing an aspect of their lives without the one thing they need...willingness!  It seems a contradiction, yet we all do it.  I want to lose weight, so I'm going to exercise five times a week.  The intention is set, or so it seems.  Yet, this is when the BUT comes into play.  Yes, I want to be healthy and lose, but I'm too tired to
exercise tonight.  I'll start tomorrow.  Yes, I want to find a way to stop the senseless arguments with my spouse, but I'm right and he's wrong!  Yes, I want to have a better relationship with my mother, but she doesn't listen to me and just starts screaming.  Yes, I want to earn more money, but the economy is depressed right now. Yes, I want to be more present to the now instead of always being stuck in the past, but damn it, he said, she did, they were...  The list is endless, endless excuses.

I started thinking more about this today when my daughter came home talking about her history class.  They are studying the period of American history that included successful businessmen such as Andrew Carnegie, Thomas Edison and later Henry Ford.  These men were successful because they understood the power of YES! They also had what Napoleon Hill later described in his famous, Think and Grow Rich, as a burning desire.  This is not a wish or a hope, but determination. You don't have to know the how, just the what.  Edwin C. Barnes didn't know how he was going to be a partner of and work with Thomas Edison, he just knew and never strayed from his desire. Five years after joining the company his opportunity arrived and he did indeed work with Edison!  Henry Ford didn't know how to make an eight cylinder engine he just knew that is what he wanted and never allowed anyone on his team to say, "Yes, but..."  We all know how that turned out.

A Course in Miracles says, "You cannot be totally committed sometimes."  This is one of the reasons I began this blog.  I realized that there are areas of my life that I say, "Yes, but..."  Think about it.  Where does the "Yes, but..." fall in your life.  What are you willing to do to simply say, YES!  The choice is yours.

Remember:

Yes + But = NO

It Is Time...To Fly!

I made a decision.  It's 2012 and this year will be different or so said the journal I diligently began on January 1st...

And so it begins, another new year.  Will it be any different than all the rest?  Well, I guess that's up to me! It is my desire and intention to take the leap, to live the wisdom I know instead of just talking about it, writing about it, teaching it.  Oh, I've mastered many things, but if I'm honest I still hide behind some of my own excuses or buts.  As I always tell my daughter, "You're not done until you are done!"  I'm not done.

Now is the time to GET OFF MY "BUT"!  Oh, I have great excuses for anything that doesn't show up the way I would prefer:

• Failed marriage
• Single mom for the last 8 years
• Controlling parent who didn't give me a voice
• Abusive 4th grade teacher
• Bad economy
• Far from family/community/friends

Waa, Waa, Waa.  God I'm sick of my own story, no really, "God, I am sick of my story."  I know it line by tedious line, so why keep repeating it to myself and others? Let me again be honest, it's just not that interesting.

In reality I've often lived in a waking dream, not asleep, but not awake.  Half in, half out, the mediocrity of lukewarm. 

No more BUTS!

Hello New Year! 

Good Morning Carmen!